Only You.

Only You know what's inside me now.

Try as I might to hide it and smile for You, I know I have no where to hide this.

Out of depth.

Why is it that people keep reminding me that it's my birthday soon, like I'm going to forget? I'm not busy enough for that...geez.

Is it that they're more excited for my birthday than I am...or are they trying to prove to me that they're good enough friends to not have forgotten?

I don't know...either way, I apreciate the thought...but I'm truly not excited.

I'm not going clubbing, I'm not going out for drinks, I'm not having a party and I'm not getting presents. I know now that it's not really about me anymore. No...I'm not being emo. I honestly am grateful for another birthday...I praise God that He saw fit to give me another year of life. It's just that the past year wasn't about me...my life isn't about me..it's all about Him- that's the way it was meant to be.

A part of me wishes for something special to happen, but in my heart I'd rather be nothing so that God can be everything to everyone in this world.

My selfishness desires more, yet as I try to squash it out of me until I'm nothing, the greater the desire becomes.

In my mind I know that I don't need to understand the reasons why, but I do need to trust in His Sacred Heart blindly.

I'm trying really hard...harder than ever before, but as I push myself onto sure and steady foundations, the more emptiness I feel.

It's hard to pray, but I pray constantly...the minute I wake up to the moment I'm asleep.

I've never desired the Lord this much in my life...yet the more I pray, the more I push myself, the emptier I feel. Reading about Mother Teresa's faith gives me hope though. I'm sure this emptiness in my heart is nothing compared to the darkness she felt for so long, even as she continued His work as a Missionary of Charity.

I do hope that this is the answer to my prayers...I have alot to thank God for...and even this emptiness is one of those graces He has magnanimously given to me despite my unworthiness.

Love.

"Love demands sacrifice. But if we love until it hurts, God will give us His peace and joy...Suffering in itself is nothing, but suffering shared with Christ's Passion is a wonderful gift." -Mother Teresa

Thank You Lord for Your sufferings, Your passion and Your Love for me...for us. I pray that more of Your children may be able to commiserate with You and Your Mother as this world continues to crucify You and Your Mother's Blessed hearts with our sins. I pray that we may be able to bring You some comfort in Your thirst for our love and our response to Your overwhelming Love for us through our own sufferings and our own sacrifices...even though they could never compare to what You have done for us

In Short.

Beautiful week. Beautiful people. Beautiful God.

I want to post more....but I still need to process what's happened over the past few weeks. I'm still in awe of His magnificent beauty, which He revealed everyday of this past week.

P.S. I'm sorry. I know I'm weak and imperfect, but that's no excuse to drag other people down. That was the last time...my goodbye so to speak. You don't belong to me, nor I to you...it was this way from the beginning. I have alot of things to face that I'm scared of, and I know I have to stand without you at my back, but with Him standing beside me. Even still, I do love you- more than you'll ever know.

Hide and Seek.

If you truly want to find Me...if you truly want to know my heart...if you truly want to Love me...

You will not find the answers you seek through my friends, through my hobbies, or through my passions here on earth.

You will find my heart with my Father, in the shape of my Mother's heart, safely guarded by her Husband.

My true self is safely hidden...as I find myself more and more in Love with Him....I find myself.

I now know that the one person truly meant for me will seek me out in Him...will fight for Him...fight the obstacles that get in the way...fight himself and all his weakeness in order to find himself in God so completely that our hearts and souls are united in one place...

That is...in Him.

P.S. It may seem like its impossible...but I seek perfection- not in him, but in Him. I seek a perfect Love in Him...if I ever find myself in Love again.

Honestly.

People need to friggin chill.

I'm so sick of all the effing seriousness going on.

All the 'victims' and people who are 'suffering' from such meaningless things...

HONESTLY. Re-freakin-lax. There's too much in the world to be thankful for.

As much as I know I need to be loving and be patient with all you friggin emo kids, somedays I can't because I'm exhausted and my mind is tired.

You kids honestly don't have much to complain about so stop crying, complaining and rolling in the dirt because you feel down.

Grow up. Life isn't pretty sometimes but you can't forget the reason why smiling is worth it.

Screw the anger, screw the victimhood, screw all of your negativity.

I'm going to be happy despite all of the annoying meaningless issues all you kids keep complaining about.

Re-effing-lax and grow up children.

Smile Though Your Heart is Breaking

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for Your Kingdom come

As I walk from earth into Eternity"

- Brooke Ligertwood, Hosanna

Prayer answered.

Heart broken- again

In my weakness,

may Your power shine,

to bring You the praise

Only You deserve.

Though I may be trampled,

Used, rejected and abused,

You give me everything I need,

to live, laugh and continue loving.

Praise the Lord for He is Good.

Longing

In the desert, I thirst for You alone.

In the desert, I desire for Your presence.

In the desert, I yearn for Your comfort.

My refinement comes

At the price of Your Son's life

In return I am able to receive

Your Son's life in me.

At the end of the day, my heart is happiest in Your hands. St. Joseph, guardian of my heart, please be near me as I live through my days...be my protector. Holy Mother, most Blessed Virgin, draw me closer to You so that I may know the ways of Your Son and live as a true woman of God.

I Live To Worship

Love Movements start with one person so let it begin with me.

Let Your Love reach past my weakness and be my strength.

Let everyone see past me and only see Christ in me.

Thank You so much for today.

One of the things I truly Love about my service is being a witness to His children in worship.

I love standing in front of that crowd and seeing those masks and the pride stripped away.

I love that my service is to bring Him praise in the most literal way!

I am able to love even more simply.

Thank You...because You are simply everything.

When all is lost...

You give sustenance. Holy Mother, all knowing and generous...*sigh.

Thank You.

Wow.

You take the cake.

It's always been like this.

Yet, I still put up with it.