York is...

FREAKIN GAY!

UGH.

Me + School = love-hate relationship.

FRIG.

Sometimes I wonder...

...why do I even bother?

Summer

Things I'm pushing myself to do

1- Jog at least every other day

2- Go to Chicago

3- Go to Calgary, Edmonton, and Vancouver in August

4- SHouT!

5- Watch Up, Harry Potter, Transformers, My Sisters Keeper, and The Proposal

6- Get a scholarship for September

7- Read Mere Christianity (C.S. Lewis) , The Best Question Ever (Andy Stanley), 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen R. Covey), The Catechism, The Great Divorce (C.S. Lewis), Praying With Women of the Bible (Elenna Bosetti), Mary's Way of the Cross (Irma Pfeifer)

8- Go to the beach...once.

9- Change my sleeping habits so I can go to adoration in the mornings

10- Daily mass and weekly confession.

on a side note, I know my 19th is coming up...I'm not really sure what I'm gonna do yet.

I kind of just want to go to adoration and mass. If there are fireworks down at the lake than seeing that would be cool...

Anticipation

The only thing that sustains me is Your presence.

There's nothing in this world like You.

No amount of substitutes and distractions can replace You.

I can only live in hope of a tomorrow spent with You.

Despite all of the hurts, pains and burdens of my life,

You are bigger than all of it.

Even though life is tough,

You are still King.

Even though I suffer from cuts that are deeper than I've ever received,

You are still in Heaven in Your Throne.

Thank You for mass,

Thank You for coming so humbly in bread and wine,

Thank You for allowing me to be with You daily,

Thank You for allowing You to be in me.

Thank You...because You are everything.

Desert Song- Hillsong (Brooke Fraser and Jill McCloughry)

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and thirst

My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire

And weakness or trial or pain

There is faith proved more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the faith

I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ

So firm in His promise I'll stand

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

And this is my prayer in the harvest

And favour and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I receive I will sow

Praise God for two amazing women of God who have been inspired by the Spirit to write this song.

It's become one of the many anthems of my heart...I love it.

Simple.

Jesus, I trust in You.

In You, I trust, Jesus.

Days like these...

I have to remind myself to just get back up when it knocks me down.

on a side note: yay for dean's honour role. praise God for academic blessings.

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

Praise God forever.

I could describe the weekend from my perspective but it would take hours of typing to do so.

All I can really say is that when I gave and gave until it hurt, both physically and emotionally, He always double His gifts for me.

There were a lot of things about this weekend that tested me and could have pushed me down, but with His presence in my heart, how could I have failed?

My physical injuries, the fatigued muscles, the sleep deprivation, the food I gave, the food I never got the chance to eat...all of it would have left me complaining if this happened a few years ago.

But because God is so good, He sustained me with His presence in the Eucharist. Just knowing I was gonna see Him soon during adoration, and just knowing that I would receive Him soon during mass kept me going.

Anyways, more on His Graces later.

P.S. I love you mom...always.

Panic.

Okay...let me freak out now and get it out of my system.

*coughs*

OMGOSH. RYC TOMORROW.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I haven't been this excited for pre-con/ryc/conference/any yfc event before in my life.....except for my first ever conference in Calgary.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm doing alot. I know it. But it's for my God....AHHHH.....

I can't believe my toe is so busted up. I don't know how I'm going to pull it off tomorrow, but His power is perfected in my weakness.

My mind is everywhere. Seriously. It flies from music min, to dance, to banner, to my share...to adoration, to the fact that I really want to go to confession today, to....everything in between!

Oh Lord. Thank You for the drive, the passion, the excitement. I anxiously await Your presence at Your Holy event. I pray for peace of mind, focus and for You to be in me as I sing, dance and speak Your living word. Thank You again Lord God...I praise Your Holy name....because without You, we are nothing, and this event as a result would not be another victory claimed for Your Kingdom.

Infinite Grace

I'm scared terrified.

The covers have been over me for years.

Slowly, they've been stripped off of me...allowing me to breathe, to feel the fresh air and see the light....

But...complete exposure is set on me soon.

I know I need to let go and let God...but my human frailty shudders at the possible consequences.

Shall I bare my heart, for all to see, in its ugliness and its beauty?

I already made that decision...and I'm scared and nervous, but in my weakness, His power is perfected.

I know that when I get on the stage, I will say my part and God will speak for the rest of the time.

But I'm scared because my human heart is weak. It can't bare to see people looking at me differently, to see the people that have looked up to me for years change their opinion of me.

I'm scared of judgement. My mind knows that the only judgement that I should be fearful of, is that of the Lord. But my weak human heart trembles at my friends turning their backs on me, my sisters to look at me with disdain and my brothers casting me off.

I must remind myself of His revelations to me. I must recall, that there is nothing I could do to make Him Love me less...and His Love is everything that I need.

Lord God, as I prepare to speak and share, I pray for strength in You. I pray Lord that my faith in your everlasting Love is strengthened tenfold. I pray that as I ready my heart for this exposure, that at least one person will see You, and only You. I shall overcome my fear for You Lord, through You, for the sake of that one person who's life You may choose to change. Lord, I do this, not out of selfishness nor any desire for glory....

I do this simply because You've asked. I do this because I Love You. I do this because someone out there could share my life's story. I do this because I know that despite whatever I say, You will always speak louder than I ever can...and that my heart, scarred and bruised as it may be, is beautiful because You reside in me.

Lord, I ask this through Your son, with Your Queen, Mother Mary's, intercession....

Lord, thank You for answering my prayers...the ones I speak in the silence of my heart, the ones I yearn for in my deepest core, and the ones I have yet to realize. Thank You, for I know that as soon as a prayer enters my heart, You have already granted it, in Your Son's holy name.

2 Corinthians 12:9

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Thoughts on this later. Or....at RYC??? 

There's no such thing as 'Limbo'

There has never been an 'in between' when it comes to the two of us.

Honestly, sometimes you make my blood boil with anger and frustration.

On the flipside, some of my happiest days were spent with you. 

Maybe that's why our attempt at being in between is so rough on me...it's just never been this way before.

...whatever.

Jeremiah 24:7

"I will give them a heart to know the Lord; and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart."

Praise God.

When you love someone.

When you really love someone...I mean Love someone...

You can't just have part of them. You can't have half of their heart.

It's never enough.

It's not because you need more of their heart so you can get more from them...

You need all of their heart so you can Love them completely.

I've killed some cochlea hairs, but it was so worth it

Music Ministry is so freakin awesome. The Frontlines will always have my heart. ALWAYS.

Why?

1) Raph is a BEASTLY BEATS BEAST. No one else but Raphael Dizon can pull off a double bass beat for Hosanna. No one. O-M-FREAKIN-GEE.

2) Real talks make the late night commute worthwhile.

3) Going to pho 88 with Neil and Will was worth coming home late and getting in trouble.

4) I am learning to just let things go

5) The stress might get to me sometimes, but the music always brings me back to life. 

Out of the whole community, most of the people that I have always wanted to serve with in music are in this band (minus one or two people out there that just couldn't fit due to sound board channel restrictions and the call to be non-biased while discerning on who would be in it...).

I LOVE THE FRONTLINES. I loooove the people in it. I love the moments we make. I looove the music we play. I love them...simply because of the people that they are. This group is just so special. Everyone is so unique and different. But we remain united in our love for Christ and our love for music. 

Honestly, every kind of person is in this band.

You got WT, the hearthrob...NP, the joker gangstah...SL, the rocker...MB, the crazy one...MP, the skater...EG, the emo...PB, the loud one...AN, the quiet artsy one...AT, our very own baby spice...IG, the weirdo... MT, the big sister...YA, the cool one...RD, the awkward master of all things off-beat...then you've got me, the nerd.

Together, we make the Frontlines. Together we make one harmonious band. Together, we make music worthy of praising our most beautiful King of All. 

I love it. It makes my days better, my smiles wider, my heart bigger and my service so worth it. 

Praise God!!